im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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