Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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