I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
