I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
