I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
