Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
