So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
