I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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