I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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