haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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