even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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