If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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