doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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