i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
