I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
