I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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