u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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