he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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