Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did I show you my penis last night?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
