pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This baby is an asshole
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
