God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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