there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
