shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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