So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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