THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
