I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
