Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
