all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
40s are totally the cure
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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