just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
