did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
