you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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