I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
