I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
