I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize