I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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