Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
