If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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