i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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