cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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