I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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