help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize