You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
