somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
