So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
