Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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