And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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