mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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