I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
