I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
