i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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