he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
