...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
