I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
