He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
