She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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