I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize