I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
