I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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