Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
