then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
