im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His nipple licking is glorious
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