I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
jump out the window naked night went bad
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