The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
