Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
