I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
