I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
