Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
