I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
