I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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