"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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