is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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